:: alyson law ::

Sheffield beckons

2012-01-28T21:03:00.001Z

This feels kinda weird.

London and Sheffield are now like Penang and KL (in that order) to me. My life revolves around travelling between places so much. Not in the around-the-world sense, but I just go to-and-fro a lot! Which is good. It's really nice to know that even in England, I still can have change of environments from time to time.

So right now I'm packing like a crazy person to go back to Sheffield. I have SO MUCH to take. And to think Jessica has already helped me take some back, and I have sent some back by post. And I still have SO MUCH! What the hell did I buy?! And how am I gonna fit all those in my room? Ah. Still, can't wait to go back and start using all my new things!

Back to packing!

A little girly giggle

2012-01-24T00:52:00.003Z

Back to being a 15-year-old all over again. I remember listening to this over and over again while crying like a baby. Yes, yes, I'm ready to admit now that when I was younger, I would cry every time I realize I have a crush on someone.

Because it's just painful to have feelings for someone, and not have the guts -ever- to tell him. Or anyone at all for that matter. So I just kept it in, thought about all the wonderful things that could have happened, and that's just it. I cry.

Silly.

Leeds

2012-01-21T23:25:00.000Z

So I've conquered my 4th city in England.

London many-a-times, Sheffield, Manchester and now Leeds! I don't know if Edinburgh counts since it's in Scotland so I left that out :P

Northern weather, as usual, was sucky. It was exactly like Sheffield but probably a bit worse. But it's hard to say since I stay in most of the time in Shef. I didn't wanna waste my Leeds trip by staying in so I tagged along with Lam and his friends out to the city center on a wet day.

His buddies were in from Bristol at the same time so the Leeds people were put in the position of tour guide. For a free tour, it wasn't so bad xD

Because it was CNY, most of their uni friends were in Leeds somehow.. I left on the day more people came. Wish I could stay but I probably don't wanna clog up the room space and I've got my own reunion dinner in London as well!

Resting outside Leeds Town Hall. Wasn't allowed to put this up on Facebook so I'll put it here. Without the third person behind ruining the photo, this would've been a really nice picture!

I remember how I used to be in charge of cooking pasta for parties back home. Being one of the few girls in a big group of guys tend to put you in that position. Surprisingly this trip, the guys did all the work! Given, I was the only girl and I was a guest but still I found it pretty impressive when they told me to get back in the room instead of the kitchen xD

Okay I've got something to note about this trip -surprisingly no crazy night out clubbing and coming home at 3am. We spent a lot of our time getting pissed in the rooms with wine and gin. We didn't mix them, but don't try that combination on the same night really.

My last night in Leeds was also the most fun despite just three of us (Lam, Mithran and myself) in the room. Full of insane things forever captured and never posted online, me screaming at Mithran about something I don't remember, and then him screaming back the same phrase and Lam screaming at us to shut up. It was a noisy night until we all passed out D:

Also had pillow talk regarding relationships and whatnots. I guess I've pretty much made up my mind. I'm not ready for commitment at all. Not since last year, not since ever. It's nice to be single and free of commitments, something I hardly appreciate. While other people like texting and being on the phone 24/7 talking about every single detail of their lives, I realized I don't need that. I have best friends, I have a blog and I have family. I don't mean I don't like having someone special around, but I'd rather enjoy how free I feel right now, rather than go around looking for Mr. Right in every corner of the street. He'll pop up one day. Love always comes when you're not looking for it, this is what I've always realized. Someone up there is actually being very nice to me, come to think about it. When something bad happens and I handle it well, something good always comes to compensate. So this time I'm gonna handle it well, and continue to juggle my degree and partying as I always do. And yes, I do juggle well.

Anyway, pretty much sums up to be an awesome trip! :D

I'm truly sorry

2012-01-17T23:42:00.001Z

Beautiful songs like these make my day and appreciate things a little bit more.

I wish you could see this. I'm sorry for how I've been acting these days. A bitch. I've been acting like a bitch and I hate myself for it.

I just need some time to clear my mind and think it over. Sigh. Since when did I let my life become such a huge mess?

4am rants

2012-01-15T04:27:00.003Z

Sigh. So much going on in my head that it's keeping me up tonight.

Ok fine. It was entirely my fault for downing that huge cup of tea at 1am. Can't help it. It was my daily dose and it feels off not to have my cuppa everyday.

While I toss and turn in bed I thought about so many things. Money matters, as per usual. Relationship shit, can't really avoid them. Momentary feelings of loss, they always pop by. Fear of disappointment, haunting me since young.

They usually don't come together, but I guess when one is psychologically weak, no one can help it.

I wish there was someone to talk to about all these matters. Truth is I really can't think of anyone right now who wouldn't judge me based purely on what's bothering me. And another problem is that we have all been living in a world of lies & deceit, so much so that it's difficult even trying to have honest friendships anymore. Every person is simply stabbing the other person in the back and it goes round in a circle. What gives?

The whole finding true love thing is bothering me even further. Sometimes I wonder if someone up there is deliberately playing a joke on me. Is it just me, or am I not lovable anymore? Am I aiming too high... or should I be? Or, as watching How I Met Your Mother taught me, do I want to be the "Reacher" or the "Settler" in a relationship? Of course I wanna be a reacher, but does that mean I'm going for someone out of my league, and I would have to work much harder to keep him? But I don't wanna be a settler either, it sucks to be a settler. It's like another way of saying, ah this is the best I can do, I should probably shut up and just appreciate it.

To be honest, I've experienced both and both sucks, equally. I just wish the world would stop putting terms in relationships, so we stop judging them and so we can just be happy that we're happy!

Or... I should really take a break in this. Enjoy being single, see the world on my own. Who cares if other people have clingy partners and have someone to go home to at the end of the day? I don't need that. I just really need to give myself a break. I'm sick of guys. I'm sick of relationships. I'm sick of commitment.

Why can't one person be single, still be happy and never feel lonely?

Changes

2012-01-13T02:32:00.001Z

Procrastinating as usual.

I'm pretty excited to go back to Sheffield despite the fact that it would mean the exam looms closer. I'm excited to start using my gifts, arrange all my new things inside the room and sorta refurbish my room. I get excited about things like that, I don't know why.

Oh waitttttt a minute. I have a bunch of laundry to do T_T It felt right to just dump them into the basket and say, "Ah I'll do these when I get back from London." but right now I regret it like hell. Thank god I have two sets of bedsheets and stuff wtf.

Ooooooh damn I miss Sheffield. Isn't it amazing how much I miss it wtf. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME! Everyone's buying plane tickets to go back to Malaysia this summer but I just laid back and watched them do it. I've got no plans decked out for summer, I have no money whatsoever to go on a Eurotrip. I wish I had a travel buddy who loves luxury clubs and beautiful beaches as much as muddy hiking trails, like I do. Then probably I'm set for the summer -a great holiday! Problem is I doubt that person exists. I'm looking for a job. If I don't get what I'm looking for, if I don't get what's relevant then fuck it I'll do any job at all.

I even learned of the wheatabix diet from Mei and I swear to go on it when I'm back. It's just not right to do it now with all the good homely food around. Wheatabix diet would even take a load off my shoulders because I don't have to cook!

Okay I'm bored. Blogging makes me feel less guilty than watching How I Met Your Mother. I'm so addicted to it I swear.

I've got lesser and lesser days to study but still here I am! Wasting time. I better finish off that last batch of notes and go to sleep.

Fool Again

2012-01-07T21:27:00.003Z

This evening, my conversations with two people had been real eye-openers.

First off, I realized I'm such an idiot. For being a bitch to guys who treat me right and for falling for those who don't. You treated me well, you were willing to sacrifice and spend time with me; and what did I do in return? Probably stomp on your heart, used you and told a million lies (for all these I'm sorry and I still wish I could apologize. It wasn't me to be like this.). In contrast, I treated him well and was willing to sacrifice SO MUCH for him. But until now, what has he really done in return? Until today, I realized I've been hanging on like an idiot, still going out of my way to make sure his life is comfortable while I squirm in uneasiness realizing how much I've sacrificed.

Second, how much can one person lie? I've asked this before. But seriously? How much can one person lie? How much more can I find out? It's not as if I have to act all detective on him. The truth keeps coming to me. People keep coming to me on their own, telling me things I wish I don't have to hear. And at the end of the day, it's true. "I don't want you to be lured in by his lies," they all said. "Just wanna make sure you're not in the dark."

...I'm too ashamed to say that I have indeed been in the dark. I'm just too stupid to have ever believed a word.

For those who likes saying I have trust issues -happy now? I finally trusted someone with all my heart despite all the possible times I could have doubted him, and to get this slapped in my face like a piece of raw meat. Perhaps now you would say I have intelligence issues. I should have known better.

2012

2011-12-31T17:56:00.002Z

To all my 5 remaining readers,

Happy New Year!

I'm about to go to sleep now at 6pm to preserve some energy for tonight's 8-hour rave. Full On Ferry at O2 Academy in Brixton! Yes yes I'm such an old woman now.

But here's to a better year, better future, better education, better careers, better romances, better relationships and generally a better life. Let's leave bitter ol' 2011 behind!

Resolutions

2011-12-28T02:40:00.001Z

The simplest resolution I made last year was fulfilled with a big twist to it. Life is more fulfilling & meaningful now as it was before, despite having to be solo through it. It's nice to be living for yourself. This time last year I'll never guess that I will be sitting here in bed, in Putney, spending my Christmas break as an international student now. I'm not much of a good planner who has a view of what the future really holds for me.

I've got friends who even said to me I look much happier and prettier than I was in past years. Apparently I hardly cared much for my looks while in a relationship. In a way people would say if I don't start caring for my looks I'll probably never find another boyfriend wtf. But I'm makeup-free in the above picture; I just compared it to my picture from last year (with makeup) and I thought to myself it must be a joke. Ok vain mode off. I'm puking at my own self-consciousness.

My aunt made me a member of Thomas Sabo's charm club x) Love it! Don't have the heart to wear it through in case I break it D:

As a 21 year old I'm again writing resolutions for the next year, and this time they're gonna be seen as challenges I have to overcome.

1. Do things that are important and make me happy in the long-term. Short-lived happiness are nothing but a waste of time.

2. Studies should take the first priority above all.

3. Socialize more and balance work & play.

4. Be more mindful when shopping -impulse buys should be controlled easily by now.

5. Settle the one issue that's been bothering me most lately -stick to ONE decision and not let loneliness (bah I hate that dramatic word) change your mind. I've been going through hell trying to look for a simple solution to this problem. It's hard, isn't it, moving on? I actually thought I was a pretty strong person when I realized I could fall in love again within a short time. Some call it weak, but to me it was a brave move. Until things started to go wrong. Over and over again. Even now, things are still going wrong. I mean, I know, even if the new year is coming, life goes on as usual. We shouldn't have to shape our life around special dates or events and say, "Let's not bring this into the new year." as if it matters so much! I've taught myself how to move on before, I surely could do it again this time. Why does it seem even more difficult?

Perhaps because he was the only one I could cry to. For months after my big breakup I kept my feelings to myself and not even share anything with my closest friends. I hardly ever know him but I've broken down in front of him millions of times, over another guy. It was selfish of me, but he was there. I guess somehow, I became dependent again. And today, I find it hard to not look for him. Today, I still feel happy to receive a message from him, I still wait for his call though it's hard to come by anymore. It's the whole heart-brain-war all over again. My heart clings on, my brain wants out. And when something sad happens my brain goes, "I told you so." Over and over and over again.

Ah so much for writing resolutions. Fuck resolutions.

Twenty one

2011-12-23T01:15:00.002Z

Yep. Perfectly prepared to be 21. I've grown enough in the past year.

Putting thoughts into words

2011-12-19T17:57:00.001Z

I read Cheesie's blog about being #foreveralone and it just sparked some deep thinking on my part. If someone in her position has such difficulty in the love department, then what more I?

Falling in love and having someone special is really something amazing that I hardly learn to appreciate. Stepping out of secondary school and going out into "the world" was an experience made better with someone beside me. When it all came crumbling down I found it hard to cope with being alone to face shit all over again. I guess that explains why I dived headfirst into another relationship. But it wasn't a rebound; I'd scoff at anyone who calls him a rebound because he is not. I would know what a rebound is, and if I had cried when he told me he loves me, I'm pretty damned sure he means something to me.

I, for one, can never stand being in a relationship if I had no feelings for someone.

He was special too, if not from another world. I mean, you watch movies about two people from different worlds meeting and getting together and realizing it's so difficult to go on because of their differences. Well, exactly my problem. Being with him gave me the chance to go to places I've never been to, see problems I've never known will happen in reality and loads more. I would hate to describe everything here because then everyone would know about his secrets and that's not very nice.

Thing is, I'm no longer 17. I know, I know. I'm still young and I still have loads of opportunities to meet the one. But how long more do I have to endure? How many more disappointments do I have to face?

On cold winter nights when you're sleeping alone, you'd just wish someone was there, whether in person or simply over Skype. Just so you can listen to him as he breathes in his sleep and him you. That one small gesture that is enough to fill you warmly inside. No silly arguments over things that don't matter anymore. No tears involuntarily running down your cheeks as realization dawns on you just how difficult it is to make things work when the differences are so apparent, down to minor opinions.

Hmm. Yea. If only.

Do you hear the bells ringing?

2011-12-14T23:33:00.003Z

If you're reading this Stan, yes checking the time does remind me of you. Hi! *waves.

Christmas break has started! Not officially, seeing as we're having the last class tomorrow morning. I'm off to Putney after that. Can't wait!

I count my lucky stars at times like these. So grateful to have relatives around wherever I am. Even in England, I have a place to call home; a place to look forward to whenever I have my holidays. It feels exactly like going home from KL! Well not exactly but good enough for me to miss the place and the people.

Anyway I've been spending SO MUCH time indoors due to my rapid aging (wtf).

I feel like a sloth after every single time I party! I take so much time to recover and get soooooo lazy. I've been telling everyone that I'm simply too old to party (see, I'm turning 21 in 9 days omg?!) because I can't seem to handle it as good as I could three months ago. I could drink everyday and club thrice a week back in Penang. I think the sudden stop when I came to Sheffield has somehow caused my cells to degenerate at a faster rate.

Plus I've been watching The Big Bang Theory back to back. It's crazy. I think I finished 5 seasons in a week. But it's so addictive and funny! In fact the only reason I'm blogging now is because my current episode isn't loading. Every link seems to be broken :(

On a side note, I still can't get used to the partying culture here. The way we do it back home is so much more fun. I like driving/being driven to clubs more than walking/taking the bus/cabbing. I like getting drunk and having drinks throughout clubbing (that includes constant refills of the glass), rather than pre-drink and only have two drinks in the club. I like walking into a club straight, rather than having to buy tickets to get in! I like having a table rather than going straight to the dancefloor. I like the slow way of getting phone numbers and letting the relationship develop rather than full on making out & attempting to sleep together.

And I like chilling out at KTV's with tonnes of international songs rather than burly ol' pubs that play quizzes I can't understand because it's so localized.

But I guess I'll learn to embrace it a lil bit more.

...which is kinda difficult because I bond though humour; and Malaysians & the British have veryyyyy different sense of humour. Ah well. I'll learn.

Unexpected

2011-12-03T18:01:00.002Z

Didn't know losing you is gonna be hard as well. I've overestimated my abilities to move on.

This time I'm not gonna give in to loneliness... No point repeating history with a different person I guess.

Midnight dose

2011-11-30T00:07:00.002Z

Deep down inside, there is always this special person who has walked out of your life, but whose footsteps will be forever etched in your heart.

The past week has been hell.

I mean, I'm fine. Really, I am. It just kinda shocks me how one person can do ALL the wrong things over the span of 3 months and yet have the guts to apologize, tell you he loves you and promises he'll never do it again. Sure thing, he never does it again. He just does something else that apparently he didn't know was wrong as well.

Sigh too much info. But I need to get that out of my system.

Till then.

Christmas

2011-11-27T00:42:00.002Z

We're seeing the end of November and December looms closer. The year is coming to an end. I've said this a million times before but I'm gonna say it again -time flies. Time changes so much!

Christmas in London this year. I've celebrated Christmas several times here, mostly as a young child and a teenager. But this time I'm celebrating Christmas in London as a legal adult. 21 years old. No more selfish Christmas lists up on the wall, no more buying "the best aunt in the world" mugs for one aunt (it was a random choice I swear!) and getting jealous stares from other aunts. Ahhh the wonderful memories of a naive child who knew nothing :) I swear I'll get better gifts this time round. Perhaps all my aunts will get the same mug heh heh.

Anticipating special occasions as a single person again makes me feel somewhat lonely. Used to be so stable and secure, having someone to hug and to hold during these amazing moments. But it'll be good, it'll be good. I actually look forward to spending some good time with my aunts, uncles and cousins.

So I guess I'm ready to turn 21 in less than a month's time.

Another ending

2011-11-22T16:49:00.002Z

An ending marks a new beginning, right?

After all, it was for our own good.

I do feel upset although I don't exactly show it. The same familiar sense of emptiness fills my heart every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. I look for you, wishing I could talk to you as before. But I know it's for the best if I don't. I was being honest. I wasn't making excuses, I wasn't running away.

I wish this will make you focus better on your career, on what's most important for you. At the moment, it's pretty clear having a girlfriend should be the last of your priorities.

A friend used to say that he doesn't believe in the whole bullshit about "fate". But I do. I believe that if we're meant to be together, someday, somehow, things will turn out right.

The one that got away

2011-11-14T15:07:00.003Z

Wow, reading week came and went. As expected, I didn't get any reading done. Sigh. But at least I've completed my lab report and I plan to catch up on Stats riiiiiiiight after this!

The title of this entry is pretty random since I'm sorta bad at thinking of things like this. It's actually the song I've been playing over and over again. Katy Perry's The One That Got Away, which, in my opinion, is a song not everyone could relate to. It's not just something you could say you've been through until you really have!

Anyway. Been looking for houses for next year! We'll move into private accommodation next September, and it's CRAZYYYYY because apparently the houses get all booked up by end of this year! But I'm excited about the aspect of moving into a house of our own!

Life's pretty okay. Mundane I would say besides the anxiety of getting work done and the constant whining over having to budget like a bitch for groceries. I bought butter the other day for the original price of £2.29 then I saw selling at place A for BUY 1 FREE 1 and as if that's not bad enough, I saw place B selling it for £1.

Teaches me a lesson about doing my research. But how the hell can I keep up with every item in the supermarket and still cope with being a student?!

Jacket Potatoes

2011-11-05T16:13:00.002Z

...with cream cheese, butter, minced pork & onion in brown sauce, crispy bacon and pan fried tomatoes.

Yes I'm at that lazy stage of cooking where I just throw everything together and call it a meal! :D

It's Reading Week next week!

Ahhhh thankful for a break where I can catch up on all the readings I have to do for all the lectures for the past 6 weeks.

Also need some time off and get back on track for a few assignments. Crazy shit I tell you. I really can't wait for Christmas break!

2011-11-04T15:24:00.002Z

Roar.

I always say relationships are a pain in the ass, but I always get my ass immersed in one, and a long-term one at that!

I'll never learn :(

This wave is so familiar

2011-10-29T01:05:00.004+01:00

The wave of emotions as I try to absorb the fact that I really need to get my ass started on assignments. :P As per usual, procrastinating. As per usual, using blogging as an excuse.

Everyday I see my friends talking to their families back home... and wonder, did my family actually get my phone number? Not one phone call from Malaysia (except from Alex) since I stepped into England. Can you believe it? But I realized, as much as I hope they will call to ask how I am, I also do not feel the absence. Yes of course I miss them, but not to the point of being homesick.

People think I'm lying. Everyone thinks I'll definitely have a hard time adjusting.

I've been here for more than a month.

I can safely say, it feels like I've never left home.

In fact, it feels that I should always have been here! My journey was just delayed 3 years. Glad I came here well-adjusted instead of a naive 17-year-old though!

Today I visited yet another part of Sheffield. There's so much to explore here. I'm turning into a housewife, I've been exploring supermarkets so much. At the rate I'm going, I'm gonna start putting on weight again! I think my groceries this time is enough to last me a month. Take my word for it I'm not gonna spend anymore after this. Sheesh.

The city center has been explored through and through together with my partners-in-crime, Jessica and Felicia.

Did I tell you, I came here with no one? I mean, I was aware of people from Help UC coming to Sheffield, but it was a lonesome journey as I didn't know them. As fate would have it, Jessica happens to be Justin's girlfriend and now she's my closest friend here :) Met her on the first day of class and have never stopped talking since! We have so much in common, it's crazy.

I do call home from time to time. But I can only call so much as my phone card is depleting. I guess I've got no choice but to suck it up, accept the fact that they're now treating me as an adult and act like an independent one at that!

My two favourite pranksters. The two most annoying creatures in the morning and loving creatures at night. I'm glad my brother updates Facebook with their weird antics from time to time. I just wish I'm home to watch their diet! No one's there now to stop my parents from overfeeding them with junk.

p/s I finally decided to socialize more, so I got myself tickets to a Halloween partayyyyyyyy! :D

Westlife lives on..

2011-10-22T22:22:00.002+01:00

I've always been an avid fan -but for the past few years, being a fan has taken a backseat. I was more occupied with life, college, boyfriends, friends.

To hear news of them going separate ways is heartbreaking. What's more heartbreaking is I've taken advantage of the fact that "they're always gonna be here".

Seeing this video and knowing this is their last video, tugs at my heart somehow. I felt like crying. I felt like a 15-year-old once again. I felt like my childhood fears are all coming back in.

But that's life. :) Westlife lives on.

I'm acting like a girl

2011-10-19T23:07:00.003+01:00

There's two things I can say from the title:

1. Because I am a girl

2. I also, obviously, just stereotyped my own gender group *facepalm

Emotions running on high and low these days. Alex is kind enough to be patient with this pain in the ass of a girlfriend.

No I've no idea what's wrong with me.

But it's the 4th week into the semester now and I should stop procrastinating and start studying. Will update about food, cooking, shopping (typical, hmpff) and hopefully some topics I found interesting when I get the time. I do have time, I just need to get off Facebook and 9gag.

From this moment onwards, I solemnly tell myself,

- Grow some patience in your pea of a brain

- Have a heart, and feel your boyfriend's as he attempts to pull you closer

- Stop pushing your boyfriend away

- Love can endure distance, you've done it before. It flopped. But you never give in to failures, remember? You go back, crash your head into a party of dangerous-heartbreaking-moments and tell yourself you're gonna kick ass because failures only make you stronger!

- He's worth your time, despite it moving too fast or despite being together for a short time

- Drill some real information into your pea of a brain and start READING for once omg

I'm not that girl anymore.

2011-10-17T22:57:00.002+01:00

We must've gone too fast. There are so many things I realize now that I've never did before. Suddenly it all came pouring in, as though I should've always known. I guess I should have. But I was blinded by the ecstasy of finding someone like you, someone who could make me laugh genuinely again, someone who cared. I thought you did.

You crafted an image so perfect, I never bothered to use my brain, to use logic, to use some common sense. There is no such thing as perfect.

Truth is, I've gone through one long-term, long-distance relationship enough to know what I should expect from a short-term, long-distance relationship. I'm not always one to put up all this private details for everyone to see. Just thought that ah well, what's the difference?

Protecting or putting it in public -when things go wrong, they go wrong.

I'm so tired of putting up a fake front, like I've done so many times before. Perhaps it's about time for people to know, nothing is ever as perfect as people act out to be. You see people being so happy on Facebook, blogs, etc. Truth is they're probably more unhappy than you are now. It's one thing being unhappy and showing it; compared to being unhappy and having to put up a happy front.

Perhaps this is my way of cheering myself up. But there's some truth in what I just said, you gotta admit it somehow.

I'm not just a girl you go to to say mushy things. Not just a girl you go to to say I love you. Not just a girl you miss and wish having in bed when you feel lonely at night. I'm here to share your life and mine. I'm here because I care, too. I'm here because we've talked this through together, because we said we'll always be there for one another. When there's a reason to hide, there's no reason for "us". It's just you & me apart. Both physically and emotionally.

When the love falls

All you can do is stare

As though you've expected it

As though it has always been there

Telling you

It's only a matter of time

Life.

2011-10-14T21:35:00.003+01:00

See my Sim?

Everything is going perfectly well, but she needs a social life.

Just like me. Wtf.

I mean, I have really good friends and all, but I'm not living my social life just as I had done back in Malaysia. I feel like I've just had a bad break up. With wine, beer and vodka orange. I guess I shouldn't have dated them three at the same time xD Oh god what am I talking about.

I currently have a hot water bottle (here in UK they're wrapped in cute fleece covers) stuck beneath my tee shirt on my stomach. I'm having the worst cramps ever. Ironically I feel pregnant. (This implies that I feel VERY uncomfortable and bloated, not that I actually feel pregnant.)

I've been having sleeping problems the past few nights. Can't fall asleep until I've rolled around in bed for 3-4 hours. Also have a blocked nose.

Decided the best way to combat BOTH problems is to get flu pills that make me drowsy. Pharmacist prescribed me "Night Nurse" and warned me against taking them during the daytime. It's been half an hour.

From the way I am typing everything out you can tell IT IS NOT MAKING ME DROWSY.

Heavy period, flu, slight sore throat coming up and itchy coughs thrown in. Ahh. The perfect way to start my weekend.

Hope

2011-10-05T22:30:00.004+01:00

I regret not spending more time at home, sniffing the fur off Jackie & Jambon.

I regret not going to more seafood dinners with my family.

I regret not drinking more and listening to more cina songs at Penang's dodgy pubs.

I regret not enjoying and taking in every moment, every sight and every chance of laughter.

I regret not going out with you more to nicey-nicey places; I regret that I avoided romantic and upmarket places for fear of repeating history. I regret that I was afraid to create such memories.

...alas, this was all due to fate and a string of unfortunate events. Due to the fact that there are only 24 hours a day, which is not enough. I realized that I did appreciate every minute, I did make use of my time, I did stretch my days to the max.

I've always thought I was problematic, thanks to what people have drilled in me over the years. I've always thought that my attitude was driving me down. Never have I expected people to like me at first sight. I was happy with just being on talking terms -at least hatred was not present. I did not seek closeness anymore, for it simply ruins many things.

But with you, everything changed. For the better.

Your family loves me. Your dad smiles so sincerely at me. Your mom seems to like me better than you, in a good way. Your siblings get along well with me. Your best friends think so highly of me. Even from day 1, all these people accepted me and did not put up guards. You... you simply pamper me so much, I never thought I'll ever feel this loved again.

You give me so much hope, for everything.

I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I guess I'm just one lucky girl.

A stranger once said to me

2011-09-30T19:24:00.002+01:00

:( Be Strong!

relationships aren't permanent. they're tests. they're a means to see if that other person is the one for you; whether or not you can get along with each other, despite your differences; whether you truly love Each Other. It's true, relationships are difficult and must be worked on, even past marriage. But is it really worth it? Do Both of you really Love each other?

I was once told that it's better to have multiple relationships than to work on being with your one, first true-love. However romantic it may be to say, "They were the first and only one that twinkled in my eye" or "I want my first to be the One," you need to go out into the world and find em. You need to have different relationships, so you can work on past mistakes, so you can truly find the one and only one. Of course, I can't ignore your hope that relationships can be fixed instead of severed. But I hope you do what's best for you, that you find out the answer within yourself.

I think you'll find out that answer sooner than you think in your life.

I think this is one of the best piece of advice ever given; also one that is the hardest to follow. Regardless, I'm past that and I just thought I'll share it. Thanks to whoever you are, you've changed me.

Sheffield

2011-09-23T11:09:00.003+01:00

So I made it here.

Dreams do come true if you have enough effort. In my case, A LOT of effort went into doing applications and visa with no outside help. Learned a lot in the process. I can probably be an education agent now. I charge for my services thanks.

I have a beautiful view from my room.

I have a really complete room, come to think of it!

The table is huge enough! I can have a printing station, a study station and a makeup table all in one! And they have a million sockets! Ooh and the full length mirror is a bonus.

And this is the path outside my apartment.

Never knew this day would come. I'm actually happy here.

Homesick... probably not yet. I miss the times at home when I don't have to worry about food, but that's pretty much about it.

Finally I made it here, finally I am studying in England, finally I am living my dreams! I know exactly who to thank, and I bet you guys know who he is too. Thanks so much. You've given me the best years of my life and by leaving, you have opened up a world of opportunities for me.

:')

Overdoing it

2011-09-03T09:08:00.001+01:00

This is the perfect time to just drop everything and fly off.. :'(

August 19

2011-08-18T17:49:00.003+01:00

Ah Ma's operation to remove her breast tumour is tomorrow morning (well technically, it's today).

She's still her feisty old self today at the hospital, loud-mouthed and happy. I pray that the operation goes smoothly, as the doctor had said it would.

You'll be out and about in no time, Ah Ma. Just stay strong and you'll go through it!

My baby is all grown up

2011-08-13T06:38:00.002+01:00

Jackie has this major fear of thunder.. like seriously hide at the smallest corner she can find that kind.

So here she is, insisting to sit on my lap while I (attempt to) work. And I realized just how big she has grown... :'(

811

2011-08-13T05:33:00.003+01:00

So does this make me a happy person?

Yeah, I have to say it does. The kind of happy that doesn't shoot you to heavens but makes you realize how good reality can be. The kind of happy that leaves you content with life. That kind of happy, if you get what I mean.

I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Nor do I know if I will regret it. Nor do I know if I'm in the right state of mind.

But one thing I keep telling myself is to live in the moment.

Because everyday I wake up with a smile on my face and never felt better.

If only I can be more straightforward

2011-08-08T04:31:00.002+01:00

...life would be much much much simpler!

I tend to complicate things, I think. If I'm more straightforward with my parents, if I'm more straightforward with my friends, if I'm more straightforward with someone who matters, I wouldn't have to face so much bullshit.

I hate banks. Initially could go for my visa application already, but thanks to them being keh gau, now I have to wait till end of the month! Mahai.

Dreams of studying in Sheffield getting further and further away. Hertfordshire continues to pester me with my offer letter. UEL looming around the back of my head. But Sheffield is different. Can't imagine going to the other two, but I'd rather not jinx it yet, considering the visa shit is nowhere near done. But I've been making arrangements left, right and center. Even decided to get a BB Torch when I get there. My phone and 016 number will be taken care of by a pair of safe, safe hands. I planned how I'm getting to Sheffield. I planned how I'm getting to London. I planned who's gonna attend my graduation, I planned how to keep in touch with loved ones. I made so many plans.

And I have less than 10 days to finish my work. Boy oh boy the procrastinator gets a deadline this time. Better start now.

I end on a note totally different from my title. How typical.

01.08

2011-08-01T22:01:00.004+01:00

In the wee hours of August the first, 2011... you said it again. You've said it so many times, but this time it was different. This time, in a language that makes it sound oh so familiar. I felt like I've heard it a million times before (in fact, I have). But coming from you, at least something was different.

Again, I felt the same pang in my heart. As if something was gripping it tightly, as my breath stops for a second.

I scrambled to think of a reply, but you already know. You know me too well.

Gei wo yi dian shi jian.

Woah, hold on a minute-

2011-07-26T14:01:00.001+01:00

Are you fucking kidding me?

For some reason

2011-07-19T15:16:00.002+01:00

Deep inside, I had wished you would say it. You had wanted to say it several times before but I know you didn't have the guts to; because I had my guards up since day one.

This morning, amidst all the laughter & silly jokes, you did.

My breath stopped as I tried to digest what I just heard.

Something that brought butterflies to my stomach, yet a tinge of pain in my heart.

I wanted to say so badly, "Wo ye shi."

And then I realized that I really don't know how love is supposed to feel like anymore.

...the tears flowed,

all because you said it and I could feel you.

Life's like that

2011-07-12T11:00:00.002+01:00

Figured out I'll blog since the level of fun exceeds plucking mushrooms off my head (they've been growing there since I stayed at home to rot). My social life died these two days. Someone has got to do something -anything!- about it before I die my quiet death.

Okay fine. I'm being a drama queen. I've been going out so much that I don't remember how it feels like to stay home for more than 24 hours. When I was outside, I missed being home. Now that I'm home, I miss being out and about.

Ah life. Who am I, a 20-year-old, to be talking about life.

Life's changed.

I look at myself in the mirror today and tried comparing myself to who I used to be. Thinner, yes. Fairer, considerably. Physical traits aside -I can't seem to decide if I'm happier, if I'm more satisfied, if I'm more content.

I have people who love me, people who make promises and people who can put a smile on my face. Is that enough or is there more to it?

Should I up my expectations, should I higher my standards or should I just be happy with what I already have?

I'm back!

2011-06-07T15:19:00.003+01:00

London was amazing; Paris was stinky; Wedding was gorgeous; I love my vacation!

I really came back feeling refreshed, except I think I forgot to pack my heart :( I long to wake up in Putney everyday, I long to be using my UK number again, I long for the unpredictable weather and I just miss everything about it.

I thought I met someone special but things just went from good to bad to worse... and yes it made me feel like a noisy teenager all over again. Of course, I learnt a lesson just like any other teen.

Ian and Visha's wedding ceremony. Most of us donned sarees!

A lot of people at the wedding came and talked to me, asked me where I'm from and told me I "look so confident" wearing the saree, as if I'm not a first-timer.

Who doesn't love compliments? ;)

The cocktail reception during the wedding reception at Sheraton Skyline. It was really really beautiful and everything went so well. I had my best time ever that night.

It was my first time on the dancefloor with family members (Mei excluded of course, since we clubbed together) and I had the time of my life!

They had a free-flow bar which had EVERYTHING. Vodka, gin, champagne, wine, whiskey, EVERYTHING! The alcoholic in me was jumping for joy and yes I did get pissed that night!

Cousins! Technically, Pooi Yee is our aunt but let's just forget the generation gap.

With Zoe; Charles and his wife from Hong Kong!

And of course how can I forget the handsome groom! Sorry you're too tall ;)

Also met my longlost cousin Davi. We used to hangout a lot as kids; and boy has he grown into a good looking chap! I swear his pictures doesn't do him justice.

So nice to have so many people gathered on the same night celebrating! And what's best is no inhibitions to do anything ;)

This was at PARIS!

Ahh I had too high expectations of Paris so I was deeply disappointed with how it turned out. Nevertheless, beautiful cathedrals, beautiful carvings, beautiful museums, beautiful city. The people are rude as usual and as I've said a million times before, their roads stink.

Also, I got back from Paris with the worst sunburn ever (worser than going to Redang, can you imagine?!)

I visited SO MANY PLACES around London this time, but one place I'll definitely go back to is Canary Wharf ;) So many hotties in suits enjoying happy hour after long hours of work at the office. My aunt said to me, "Just point a finger and he could be a very eligible bachelor." and she was right. @.@

Hello & See ya!

2011-05-09T19:20:00.001+01:00

Going to UK in a couple of hours!

I haven't prepared myself for the 13 hour flight buttttt.. OH WELL! Wtf wtf.

SEE YA! Big updates sure to come up during/after my trip :)

Becoming an owl

2011-05-08T21:57:00.003+01:00

Hmm... somehow effed up my sleeping times. I've been sleeping at 5-6am every morning for the past month if I remember correctly, club or no club. It's bad, but I really can't help feeling so awake at this hour.

Rants rants rants. I've got so much on my mind, I swear! But how do you rant without making people think they're affecting you? How do you rant without making people think they still matter? How do you rant without sounding like a sour grape? Simple. You don't rant. You shut up and live with it.

It's true you know, what they say. People can indeed change so much. I have changed a lot myself, I've got to admit. But to a certain extent. I don't regress back into childhood and act like a child. I feel bad for those who did. What happened to growing up? What happened to learning and becoming a more mature person?

Sigh. Here I go again, sounding all righteous and mature. Here I go again, being a know-it-all.

I'm off to UK tomorrow. Back in 3 weeks of course! Studying plans are put on hold; Internship plans are put on hold. I will enjoy this vacation to the max; put everything behind me and hopefully come back refreshed. No more mindfucking, no more crazy fantasizing (yes I'm that crazy sometimes), no more waiting for stars to fall.

Oooh, seeing as I'm sleeping like a UK person, does this mean no jet lag? :P

Just to liven things up a bit!

2011-05-02T10:51:00.007+01:00

Bff's 21st birthday bash was at Tom, Dick & Harry's, TTDI. A really nice English pub I'd say, but only if you go in smaller groups. The food is amazing and well worth the price paid for! I'll go back, for the food -drinks are better off at places with music.

Bff with her gorgeous Chanel bag cake!

The theme was Last Teenage Dream & the dress code was to wear a corset and a bow on your head. For the guys, they had to wear black. Seems like I fit in all the requirements?

My eyes chao tut that night :( Ween said I look like I wanna cry in every picture. Which is kinda true.

But I chuk emo kick also that night when I realized how long I've known bff for! Seems like only yesterday we were in Year 6 and planning our futures together.

Ooooh I adopted Jambon. They're quite a handful, these two. When I punish one, I have to punish the other one cuz they're both rebellious at the same moments.

And they both give me wake up calls in the morning! Every single morning!!! Jambon will bark bark and bark while Jackie jumps on me wtf then they'll both luan si lang at there syok sendiri while I pretend not to exist.

I don't know where to put this picture cuz it's like so random pop out of nowhere hahaha. This was after Speedzone! My first rave :P We were super duper late and it took us forever to get in. We actually had to push our way and fight with some wantan bitch :( After that though was all fun fun fun! Deadmau5 is up next, but nobody I know seems to be going leh. Should we sell off our tickets?

What else what else?

Ween's 22nd Birthday celebration! A month ago haha. We had dinner at Ichiban Boshi at Sunway Giza and the afterparty was at Mist! I looked back at the pictures and realized just how much can change within A MONTH. A MONTH DAMMIT! Good things don't last forever and although it doesn't directly affect me, it still saddens me.

So I'm just gonna post a pic of us girls :)

A lot of things happened lately, sometimes a lil too much for me to handle.

Some things make me happy, but it was only just this brief. I tell myself, just as I had always told myself and other people before, there is no point looking for love. Because love comes when you totally don't expect it to.

Guess I've been too reliant and so used to having someone close by, that I can't seem to heed my own advice.

Actually a lot of guys I met are really disappointing, especially after you hear the stories behind them. I meant guys as in casual guy friends, not possible-bf-kind-of-guy. You'd think they are so nice and so fun to hang out with but at the end of the day there has to be a skeleton in the closet wtf then you feel the need to avoid them wtf.

...at the end of the day, home is where the heart is and you'll realize true friends are those who are there time and time again without fail. *wipes tears :)

A notice to all of you reading this..

2011-05-01T12:36:00.002+01:00

I heard tonnes of people called my mom up to indirectly "dig for info" about my breakup when they heard news of it. I never knew I was this famous @.@

Thing is, you guys got her dead worried about me although she wasn't at all worried. My parents know I'm a big girl now and I can handle things much better than when I was 16.

You want hear story hor, you come tell me okay. I will sit you down with a cup of tea and we have all the time in the world.

And please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop giving me advice on how to move on because I don't need it. PLEASE stop consoling me because I don't need it. PLEASE stop sympathizing because I don't need it. PLEASE be happy with me, laugh with me; don't give me weird looks as if waiting for me to start crying because I won't! Do you have any idea how annoying it is?! Very annoying okay!!

Don't waste your energy on me. There are many other people out there who are stuck in a limbo. You can go act psychologist on them.

Not me. I don't need your services.

This is the moment..

2011-04-24T14:41:00.003+01:00

I've never waited. Nevertheless I allowed myself a period of time to be all dramatic and emotional. Those moments never came. I was laughing and enjoying my moments more than I imagined, though there were brief moments where I wished I could share some of my joys with you, just as I always had.

But that was it.

And this is how it has to be,

Cuz it's a deadly combination, you and me

You know it's undeniable

Even though we tried it all

We brought the worst out in each other

I recall

We can't act it anymore

What doesn't kill you

It makes you stronger

And though I'm going to miss you

I'll forget it and let you go

It makes me smile to know we're better off without each other now; although it makes me sad that we have both lost an awesome friendship just by taking things a step further into a long-term relationship.

It feels weird to flip the calendar back and think, wow, my life was this different before? But what shocked me most was my ability to cope. I may not have done it well, I may have neglected people who love me, I may have transferred the stress to my liver and my lungs, I may have not been the favourable student I was supposed to be.

But I'm fine. I turned out fine, I turned out happy, I turned out to be looking forward to what comes next in life.

You won't see this, neither would you know many other things. I wanna say thank you for every single thing. For starting it, for being the best and worst person to me, for ending it. For all the truth and all the lies, for all the fun and all the tears. All the happy moments we spend rolling about on the bed laughing and all the terrible times we ripped each others' hearts out. And for teaching me how to be a better girl.

Here's to you and me, living lives apart, living lives happier :)

Brokeeee

2011-03-26T20:00:00.004Z

Effing broke these days thanks to crazy drinking and chasing happy hours with the gang..

Waiting for my loan to go through so I can go on a spending spree!

Okeh too lazy to blog anymore.

Rantings

2011-03-23T16:16:00.004Z

My tattoo needs touch up fml.

I remember when I was doing the tatt, I was in so much fucking pain that I vowed never to do it again. Now I'm itching to go back and darken it! But pain leh how how how???

Quite a few people came to me and ask me about the tatt... I'm quite surprised really, because I thought that I shouldn't be the first out there to do it. Apparently everyone was shocked because no one saw it coming. Well I didn't see a lot of things coming either so I totally understand, haha.

Anyway yes it fucking hurts but it's worth it. It's like childbirth in a way, except I've never been through childbirth, but every mother will tell you it fucking hurts but it's worth it in the end. Just try to distract yourself, though it isn't easy. But if you ask yourself to distract yourself, you tend to pay more attention to the pain. Bring friends! Hold their hands! Squeeze the daylights out of their hands! Scream! Bring a scarf! Bite on it! That's what I did... and also for some moments I actually successfully distracted myself but when I remembered it came back again.

Two tests tomorrowwwwwww and I'm nowhere near prepared!

Is it normal to have fantasies now?

Totally can't stop myself.

I did it

2011-03-19T12:06:00.003Z

So proud of myself! I'm always one to be afraid of pain, but I've always wanted to get inked... perhaps it's just my tendency to conform. But I never forced myself to look for a design I wanted. I knew someday it will come.

Since it's for a lifetime (unless if you wanna be an idiot and laser it off), I wanted to make sure that whatever I get means a lot to me. Until two to three days back when I was Googling random things and I came across a dandelion. Decided there and then that this is it! And yesterday I got inked :D Quickest decision I have ever made, and on my own too! I used to go around the whole world asking for opinions before making decisions.

It's one of the most satisfying thing I have ever done for myself lately. Simply one of those that you don't regret at all. Everyone thought I would chicken out, considering my low tolerance for pain. But I didn't! I'm actually quite surprised myself. Bff was there to touch up on hers, she went first, and I saw how she was flinching from the pain T_T

But anyway I didn't wanna chicken out because 1) I hardly get so determined, 2) The main reason the 5 of us were there was because of me wtf and 3) When else will I get the same opportunity?! They kept asking me to think twice. Think thrice. Think again. They kept asking if I would regret it.

Somehow nowadays I seem to be really clear about what I want and what I don't. What I should want and what I shouldn't. What is coming and what is not. The indecisive me seemed to have disappeared (not completely, of course).

I've just re-structured my whole life like crazy. And surprisingly, it feels great.

Eh halo

2011-03-17T16:01:00.009Z

I appreciate the concern, but keep the sympathy at bay okay?

Spare me your sound of shock of "really?! What happened?!" because it's really... not needed? All you need to do is adjust your antenna a lil bit and I bet there's someone all too willing to tell you more. But nothing interesting lor same ol', same ol'.

Many things hurt, yes, but they've gotta be faced somehow. I'm strong I really am.

*eyes the last sentence and snickers at self while thinking of those stupid crying sessions wtf*

*eyes the last sentence again and can't believe I just made a joke out of it T.T*

I find my comfort with the closest people around me, lots of laughter, lots of stress-relieving, happy hours, many sappy calls & pep talks, and a little bit of self-indulgence; this will come tomorrow, I'm still calming myself down for it.

I don't know why, when others do it, nobody says anything... but when I wanna do it everyone asks me to think twice & thrice @.@ I'm doing it very much for myself! I don't know if I'll be brave enough to go ahead, but err... I'll see. It's NOT a reminder, it's NOT to cheer me up. It's simply something to help me go along with life as it is!

Dandelions are the symbol of wishes coming true, symbol of strength and symbol of hope. Magical :)

For now I'm focused on getting rid of my cough.. the doctor said that cough that lasts more than 1 month should call for a check up, and apparently if after my medication finished I'm still coughing I should go for an x-ray WTF damn gan cheong. He gave me 3-days medication lor. How can 3-days medication cure 8 weeks of cough? Somemore he gave me anti-inflammatory medicine but now I got a sore throat? Anti-inflammatory apa ni?

Then now I have like Difflam lozenges which are also anti-inflammatory, and I'm wondering if I take two at the same time does it mean it cancels each other out?

So anyway if your cough lasts more than a month please go for a check up, or see a doctor. Don't rely on pharmacies. And coughs MAY = bronchitis/pneumonia/some dangerous disease so don't take the risk please. Plus our lungs are not the healthiest around *cough*.

And for those living near the sea.. I don't know how true or how dangerous the "Super Moon" incident is because astrology doesn't interest me and I'm too lazy to finish reading the article, but please please please practice caution.

sun storm calm.

2011-03-14T07:41:00.003Z

Been raining everyday now.. but after the storm there's always the calm, cooling air which envelopes you and protects you from the glare of the sun which was there before. The calm is temporary.

The sun, the storm, the calm after. They will all come eventually, they will all come together, continuously. There's no warning sign, there's no announcement to say for sure it is happening. Sometimes you expect it and it doesn't happen, sometimes you get an umbrella and it doesn't happen, sometimes you wait for it... and it still doesn't happen.

It can come right at your face. It can come slowly.

But what's for sure is they're always together, and they come together.

Please understand.

Homesick

2011-03-02T15:50:00.002Z

I miss home.

I came to KL for more than a year, and this is the longest I've stayed -two weekends of not going back, which means 3 weeks of being here. All thanks to the assignments and exams. Plus my mom keeps calling me and telling me about Jackie. And all I could do is imagine T_T

This is out of topic, but I need to rant.

I remember once when I was having a bad flu in primary school, my mom would say, "Don't blow your nose during class or during exam, you might distract other people."

I listened to her; of course I did, it is, after all, the simplest form of politeness you could show even though you're sick. It's common sense. Even if you do blow your nose, you do it quietly. Not with all your force.

Not every morning in the bathroom. Not everytime you get out of the bathroom. Not every five minutes, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SO-CALLED HAVING FLU. NO. And even if you do blow, it's done quietly. Not with that annoying sound! Hello I don't remember myself being invisible, ever.

I think you guys should be able to tell who I'm ranting about here =.=

Lema. Sometimes I feel bad for being so impatient; but if no one's being inconsiderate, then I have no reason to be impatient!!!

You get what I mean ah?!?! Like incest; mothers are expected to protect their daughters, but if the dads are not so perverted then the mothers do not even have to protect their daughters!!!

This is a test. Someone up there knows I am an impatient person, so they're putting me up with this to test me. This is a test. *repeats to self

hanging on a thread

2011-02-20T16:44:00.003Z

Looking at the necklace right in front of me; turning left & right, a different reflection each time. Two sides to everything, don't you just wish there's just one?

You weren't here to see the precious droplets fall and I wished you were.

So much I wanna say, so much I wanna share.

But at the end of the day everything stays the same.

Books & internet'll be my best friends for these two weeks. I'm gonna shut off all socializing to the best of my effort.

Perhaps if you just shut your eyes & ears to everything, someone flicks the switch and things are fine again.

Aiyah damn gan cheong this entry.

Rant 99

2011-02-18T13:42:00.003Z

My pet peeves when attempting to study:

1. People singing/humming to their own music. Diam diam eh sai bo?

2. People watching something and laughing in a really annoying way. But this is quite selective to certain people.

3. People who non-stop ask you questions about the things THEY are studying. Walao eh. Kuan wa hamik su neh?

4. People who non-stop ask you questions about the things you are studying. Actually not really ask, is ask you to CONFIRM their opinions. So you sit there and need to pay attention and at the end of it all, all you need to say is yes. Starting to suspect that they purposely wanna distract you.

MOST IMPORTANTLY,

5. People who READ/MUMBLE whatever they're studying out loud. WTF.

I have to admit, this list only applies to certain people. I surprisingly don't get as annoyed when I study with Shian Ru and the others.

But damn annoying right? Especially number 5?! Kek dao wo half die.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T06:31:00.002Z

Well it's our 3rd Valentine's together this year.

Back when we were simply dating (like not officially together) in 2008, bf said that he wanted to wait till V Day to ask me to be his girlfriend. And then Truth or Dare came about. Wtf. Now those who were there that night insist on claiming some credit to our relationship. But how many relationships out there actually started in front of a group of people eh? At least that special moment is not limited to just us both.

But they only brought forward our anniversary date okay, they didn't actually help start the r'ship since bf was only waiting for this day.

But who wants their anniversary and V'Day to clash lah heh heh *greedy smile wtf.

And on two days ago I treated myself to a new phone. BY THE WAY I WRITE THIS BIG BIG, JUST BECAUSE IT'S IN A V'DAY POST DOESN'T MAKE THIS MY V'DAY GIFT HORRR.

I maybe kiam siap but I do make big purchases from time to time okay! And this is my most expensive to date T.T Imagine giving a whole stack of cash to the shop only to get a piece of metal in return.

I've talked about buying a new phone for a long long long time. And now I've got it! An Android, what I've always wanted to get.

When you talk about buying a new phone nowadays it's always the iPhone or the BB... but hanging out with a group of people, where half uses the iPhone and the other half using the BB, it's easy to end up with none. You just don't wanna get embroiled in the battle. I know, I know, it's easy for you to say, "Who cares what other people say?" but you won't understand it until you're standing right here wtf..

It's like if you get phone A, the phone B evangelists will question you on "Why phone A?". Which then forces you to think of some reasons to defend your phone because you can't just go quiet. It works both ways btw.

*A does not stand for Apple, B does not stand for Blackberry wtf.

And to be honest myself, I like the BB's design. But I've tried time and time again to type a complete message on the qwerty keyboard but the keys are really hard for me to feel! I like a touch-screen phone like the iPhone, because it makes everything so much easier. Not forgetting the apps too. Then some will say, "Why don't you get the BB Torch? Since it has both?". But the BB Torch is a sliding phone -________-" And the last time I used a sliding phone (bf's old Nokia Xpress Music), it died on me within like 2 months? Some wiring came out O_O

So this is where the Android comes in bwahahaha. I got it with the Digi Smartplan so yep yep finally at 20 I get my postpaid T__T with Internet T__T

I'm still trying to get a hang of it lah since I'm pretty much a big big noob when it comes to gadgets..

But Happy Valentine's Day nonetheless, from the both of us to all of you out there!

squeaks thirty sixxx

2011-02-10T16:09:00.002Z

I just realized I broke my chain of updating every 6th of the month T.T

And this time it's our 3rd year anniversary!

We had an aweshums dinner at Victoria Station.. Enjoyed the escargots and fresh oysters more than anything else.

And like every moment that he's on my mind, not one moment goes by when I don't think I love him :)

Hectic

2011-01-16T13:32:00.003Z

This semester is pretty hectic.

5 Subjects!

Our first experiment to conduct :D Actually I'm very nervous D:

Have lost the blogging mojo. I think I don't even need to say this, it's obvious.

But don't wanna let this blog die either :((

A toast to myself

2011-01-13T07:11:00.002Z

Yes yes it's too early to celebrate, you're far from graduating, so what if you've got good results for one semester only.

But I'm happyyyyyyy :))

This is the first time I set *smart* goals for myself and actually managed to achieve it! Well I can't tell for sure yet what my CGPA is, but I'm happy enough with my results!

The explanation for Smart goals are quite lame la wtf I actually learned it from a career guidance subject.

Apparently if you wanna set goals/resolutions/aims/whatever, they have to have these values: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timeliness. Each word is self-explanatory. Basically don't say "I wanna get good results", say "I wanna aim for a CGPA of etc etc".

And yes it works. It has to. It sets a kind of pressure on yourself. Not much of a positive driving force, more like a pressure. And once you set it, you tend to hold on to it no matter how much you wanna forget that you've set this stupid goal for yourself.

But when the time comes and you realize you've achieved the goal, you'll be all like gloating about it and saying how you set a goal and achieved it. Sounds like someone I know hmm hahahaha yes was talking about myself there.

I don't want my blog to turn into a motivational talk wtf so let's just stop here.

And don't worry I'm not about to give up now that I've got what I want. I'll just keep on going and studying and being an insane student all over again.

three five

2011-01-05T16:25:00.002Z

We've been together for 35 months. We're starting our 36th month now :)

This feels incredible :) Nurturing a relationship is like nurturing a naive child. You never stop fighting for her, you never stop learning together.

Happy 35th month dear!

I'm LATE!

2011-01-05T03:40:00.002Z

Happy 2011 everyone!

Today I have to bring Jackie to Bayan Lepas to see vet fml her rashes are back T.T

Anyway I had a great celebration to end 2010, so it's a good closure :)) The non-smooth-sailing first four days of 2011 hopefully doesn't signify how the rest of the year will run!

I'm starting BPsych Year 2 soon! No not that excited anymore... last semester was kinda stressful to be honest. I should stop putting so much stress on myself... or I should stop setting goals on CGPA for myself... wtf.

Resolutions will be the same as last years!

Not because I didn't achieve them in 2010, but I think one can never reach the goal of being a "better person", it's more like a continuous process that goes on in life. Damn now you know my resolution for the rest of my life wtf.

RIP

2010-12-28T08:32:00.003Z

Kid, the little Maltese who has appeared in my blog from time to time, has passed away yesterday.

Kid, 2005-2010.

He's only about 5 human years old; has lots of medical problems but I don't think it'll be appropriate to list them all out here :( Bf is still trying to get used to his absence..

Kid, you're in a better place now, no more suffering, no more bitter medications, no more painful injections, no more cold nights, no more blood will be taken from you and no more steel tables on which you are examined. Rest in peace, you'll be missed badly by not only your family, but everyone else who had ever met you.

You've brought much cheer and mess and laughter to us.

I remember how Kid will tip over bf's rubbish bin and play with all the tissues that fall out. I remember once when he shit and pee in bf's room and bf literally demanded me to clean it up because I was the one who allowed him into the room. We used to also joke about the reason why Kid loves to go to Sam so much; because they have the same minds wtf.

Rest well, Kid.

Just dropping by..

2010-12-24T03:10:00.001Z

To wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

I'll be busy during Christmas so just gonna wish first!

Hope you guys get what you wished for :))

Day 22! & it's my birthday!

2010-12-23T08:40:00.005Z

I'm sitting here in my comfy clothes replying everyone who wished me happy birthday :)) Jackie attempted to climb my chair to get my attention so she's sitting on my lap now, watching whatever is on the laptop screen, which is Facebook and an e-card my aunt sent me!

I know I'm not sitting like a lady but I'm using my legs to support her!

Today I'm grateful for celebrating another birthday though as usual I don't look forward to turning another year older :P

T-w-e-n-t-y is a big word. When your age starts with a 2 it signifies working life, buying-house-and-car-life, married life and parenting life wtf. All of which I'm not ready for!

Looking forward to Christmas and New Year; with so many plans decked out!

The pig has fallen asleep on my lap wtf..

Day 21 (Yes I gave up and skipped a few)

2010-12-22T08:55:00.003Z

Today I'm grateful for...

...the awesomest birthday present ever from the awesomest boyfriend :D

I can has Canon S95!!!!!!!! *jumps around *dances around *shows everyone without an awesome camera the L sign wtf.

I've always wanted a camera ever since my K800 phone's battery decided to play jokes on me. Like I said, I've been using Bf's old XpressMusic which has a sucky camera so bla bla bla and yep so I've been craving for good cameras since! Have looked about everywhere for a good model and it was so confusing at first with so many good models around!

And then Hui Ying sent me this "Top 5 (or 10, I don't remember) Digital Cameras" site. And I scrolled down not expecting to see anything I like UNTIL I SAW THE S95! I just knew I liked it and didn't even check the specifications online and have been wishing for it like an idiot! Okay before you start blasting me off, I do know certain features such as it being semi-pro and it having like lotsa manual buttons for you to tweak with. I also absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE the design; it's simple, not bulky, doesn't make me look like a bimbo nor a geek and it's just perfect.

We went to see an Ixus 210 or something, which has touch-screen features and all that (it was kinda cool, but I highly doubt the lifespan of cameras with touchscreens) but at the end of the day my heart stays loyal wtf.

First pic of Jackie in S95 with her left ear turned out. She likes turning out her ears that way I don't know why. It makes her look shaggy.

And she, not surprisingly, is actually quite a camwhore too. Everytime I turn a camera at her and call her name she would actually sit still and look at the camera, and when it's done I'll say Okay and she'll continue scratching/licking/whatsoever.

No I'm not turning 20 tomorrow. Nope.

Day 12, Day 13, Day 14, Day 15

2010-12-16T11:06:00.004Z

Day 12; Can I take a break and skip a day T.T this wasn't much of a nice day for me since I was stressed like an idiot.

Day 13; Not-so-grateful for the woman who created much fuss in the airplane and caused the plane to actually turn back (it was already on the runway) to drop her off. Long story but she's a selfish bitch lah. And no she didn't have a legit reason if you're gonna ask! But anyway I have to find something to be grateful for... So I guess it will be: finishing off the exam and coming home!

I felt like screaming goodbye BPsych first years, see you in Year 2! How time flies, and how I'm glad it does for once!

Day 14; yesterday! Had an awesome time catching up with Angie, Jon, Subash and Collins at Gurney! Had pork ribs and Hoegaarden at Chicago for lunch which filled me up so much I skipped dinner. But it's a good combination yumss. Gonna look for them again when more people come back!

Also went to watch Rapunzel with Bf, Sk, Ween and Vivian at night. Laughed my ass off at Maximus! I sooooooooooo needed to pee halfway through the movie and I hate that feeling so much T.T

Ooh had tomyam mee at Raja Uda too!

Day 15 is today! I'm sorry I know it's cheating to group it all into one post but I've been too busy and lazy to get my laptop out and everything. Today I'm grateful for mom's and ah ma's homecooked food!

I went for a walk with Jackie today and the whole neighbourhood's dogs were barking at her. I mean, dogs usually bark la when they see other dogs taking a walk with their owners but I seriously wish I speak dog-language! Jackie was scared out of her wits and she cried to me for a bit but I sorta ignored her... until she started climbing up my knees! Seriously scared until like that lor!! Cis *clenches fist at the other dogs.

Okay I'm done! *runs off.

Day 11

2010-12-12T15:26:00.000Z

Wah Tuesday seems so far away! But I've already packed getting ready to go home wtf.

Not even done studying yet and I'm so tired of it! So much to readdddddd!

Sighhhhh super wanna go home now! With Jackie in heat and my brother TOTALLY clueless omfg I literally had to teach him how to put on the underwear for her because he doesn't know what the hole is for T.T and the pet shop doesn't sell dog pads and told him to go to the pharmacy to get realz pads FHL, which he really did do, despite me asking him to rummage through mom's cupboard FHLx2. Then he duno how a pad works FHLx3.

Somemore don't know when papa and mom coming back haha FHLx4.

Ah well! Can't wait! Gonna bake biscuits (like those at Popeye's), gingerbread men and think of what cake to bake for bf's Christmas partayy!

Grateful for what ah today errrrrr.. laughter? wtf.

Day 10

2010-12-11T15:21:00.002Z

Phew, managed to finish Psychological Disorders and start off a bit on Therapies today.

Grateful for a very normal McDonald's meal after eons of not having it. Not even gonna bother explaining why a Mcd meal has suddenly become such an indulgence!

Studying is tiringggggggggggg I wanna go home home home!

Day 8 and Day 9

2010-12-10T06:17:00.002Z

I was so tired last night I slept at 12, and woke up at 11am today. I know it doesn't sound very out of this world but I was so glad I managed to get so much sleep! Since the past few days I've been suffering pretty much from lack of sleep. I find it really really hard to fall asleep whenever I have exams, no matter how tired I get.

So I'm grateful for the sleep, I'm grateful that those Mass Comm subjects are finally over, and I'm even more grateful that I can has 4 days to study fully for PSY112. I better score on this one!

On a side note, my baby Jackie isn't a baby anymore! She's having her first heat (or period as I would call it)... Such an early one! I've heard of dogs starting to get in heat from 6 months onwards, but I never expected Jackie to get it chun chun at 6 months! Sigh and my parents are gonna be in Bangkok for a few days for Big Bro's convocation; and 2nd bro is completely clueless about girls' things like this. I wonder if they'll even bother getting dog pads :(

Day 7

2010-12-08T15:12:00.002Z

I'm grateful for having an awesome, young and very-much-like-us lecturer (Mr. CK) for MCH106. He was equally excited for the paper and gave out the questions during the very last minute.. which made me feel less nervous about facing an uncertain paper.

Too awesome. Damn awesome. T.T

Kicking PR's ass tomorrow if only it'll let me. I can't wait for it to be over so I can fully focus on PSY112 and then BALIK KAMPONG! So many plans for the holidays and festive season, I can't wait!

Day 6

2010-12-07T12:58:00.003Z

Today a bitch at the common room at Level 1 actually chased me off "her" table because her flimsy file was there first. I told her the table was freaking long and she could share but she said said flat out, "No." May she experience the taste of karma one day.

So we had to go down to the cafeteria to study. The manager was so nice! He gave out free honeydews to everyone who was studying!

Well that's what I'm grateful for today; besides the fact that I have managed to get even more studying done *proud of self. Staying away from the laptop is a good thing. And had the awesome-st Domino Pizza; their pizzas taste so much better than they usually did today, cuz they usually disappoint more than satisfy.

Finals officially kick off for me tomorrow. MCH106! Please be good :)

Day 5

2010-12-06T15:11:00.000Z

I'm grateful to have random full-of-gossips days like these (awesome way to release stress!); I'm grateful for Marie France BodyLine although they turned Ru and I into cooked prawns; I'm grateful for Chinoz for their smoked salmon pizza! And also their kao illy espresso that gave me hours of palpitations.

Grateful for mom's ginseng supply & spicy lamb olio from the Humble Chef!

three four

2010-12-05T16:25:00.002Z

it's our 34th month!

I keep losing count each month, so I'm glad I actually keep track of it in my blog :P

Day 4

2010-12-05T15:28:00.003Z

I forgot to take pictures today :(

Today I'm grateful for having awesome uncles and aunts! Just got back from dinner at a chinese restaurant called Danny's at Mont Kiara.. humongous prawns, crispy fried pork leg, steamed fish, delicious soup yummmmmmmmmms!

Also grateful for my mom's periodic updates on life back home (despite me being away for only like what, a week?) and some funny stories of what Jackie did. Well, it's only like 9 more days to go!

Day 3

2010-12-04T15:42:00.004Z

I'm grateful; bf and I managed to resolve issues and talk to each other without poison in our words :)

Grateful also can complain about other things right? I cannot tahan my roommate anymore.. I think I'm destined to sleep in single rooms. God is testing my patience by putting me in this situation.

Day 2

2010-12-03T14:02:00.001Z

It may not have been the best day..

But today I'm grateful for managing to get some studying done, at 4am @ Mcd! And consequently more notes done after. Oh, and for apple pie too.

Day 1

2010-12-02T11:42:00.004Z

To apparently build up my optimism I'll be trying a month-long project where I have to record something everyday. It's something my lecturer did with past students and apparently it changed their perspectives a lot. Just figured out that my blog will come in handy since it's dying soon anyway!

I'll start off with something random!

Today I'm grateful for the fact that Help Residence's cafeteria is no longer vegetarian, and not only that, they serve chunky beef!

Have you ever thought about...

2010-12-01T14:25:00.002Z

...things that you've pushed to the back of your mind, things that have changed drastically over the months? Things that you don't wanna think about?

Have you ever thought about what brought about these changes? Who initiated it, who caused it for whatsoever reason?

Have you ever thought about who gets victimized, who gets sidelined, who gets hurt?

Have you ever remembered how things used to be; how happy, truthful, honest and carefree life can be without hiding behind masks and childish demeanors just to raise your self-esteem? How laughter and smiles are genuine, how sincere we used to be.

Me? Yes I've always thought & talked about it, even with friends, with whoever is willing to listen. Life & its events are simply unpredictable... and I guess this is just one of those things I need to stop being sad about, and one of those things I need to get over.

It is said that it's boils down to me at the end of the day... but after everything, I am beginning to doubt. Why change hearts of steel when you cannot even go near it? Why bother when you're not suffering alone?

I've attended numerous funerals and lost many relatives within the past 2 years. It came to a point where I have become numb; that petty things I'm complaining about isn't really a big issue. It came to a point that I may have lost my smile and developed a permanent frown, scrutinizing every aspect of life, wondering what can be changed. It came to a point where I began to put my family first, something I never thought I'd do; I grabbed every opportunity to spend time with loved ones, sidelining friends. It came to a point where I really can't be bothered so much anymore, I'd rather improve my own life before it drastically ends. But then again, it goes round and round. It comes back to haunt me, to remind me, that it is bringing me down after all.

Well, life goes on. Are you happy now? Or were you happier before when nothing mattered?

2010-11-30T13:42:00.005Z

Was hanging out at Bangsar with Chin siew and Renesha last Friday :) Went to an awesome stationary shop (sorry, I'm a sucker for stationaries), millions of boutiques, had beer for tea-time, went to a few more boutiques, walked around Bangsar Village and then dinner at Souled Out!

Camwhored while waiting for them to pick me up! That was my eyebrows before threading! Sorry no after pics! But will post the pics from Langkawi (more camwhoring while waiting for the others to arrive at the hotel, but that's a story for another day).

Threading was motherfucking painfullllllll sorry I had to swear! But I literally had tears in my eyes which weren't allowed to roll out because I had to press on my eyelid in order to stretch my skin boohoooooo.. Weird enough bff said it wasn't painful.. Considering her pain tolerance for brazilian waxing (mine didn't hurt, hers did) I thought she will go through worse.. haha!

We had beer and lamb meatballs for tea at La Bodega. Apparently the one at Pavilion kicks ass and this one sucks.. but we had fun nonetheless! Renesha got this "rose water" thing (it's made from a strawberry!) from the bartender and she actually took it with her after that!

Gossiped a lot in there. And their rush hour prices are really cheap! I had a pint of Tetley's for only RM20.

Dinner was at Souled Out where we share-share everything :D The mushroom soup was aweshummm.

Chicken cordon bleu for the anti-sotong girl!

Beef pepperoni pizza *drools.

Deep fried calamari for us sotong lovers *drools.

We had to fight the food down each others' throats cuz we couldn't finish in the end heh heh..~

But I wouldn't mind going back there to try out all the other dishes one day!

Oooh ya Cat's Whiskers had a 50% sale where I got this cute owl necklace! Was influenced by bff into this whole owl thing.. and baby owls are difficult to resist!

Anyway Sem 3's coming to an end! 2 of 3 subjects have cancelled classes this week so it's only PSy112 to go... As for studying no I haven't started sigh FML. Somemore dare to set an aim of CGPA > 3.5. Stupid Career Guidance subject advised us to set goals and this is the stupid goal I set for myself.

I'll be off to hopefully study now, if only my roommate will stop eating so loudly it's so distracting and annoying :(

Ah. Blogging.

2010-11-26T03:57:00.005Z

If only..

Today marks the first time I ever asked my dad for money.. and now I feel like a rotten daughter. He's always told me that whenever I'm in need of cash I can just text him (no need to even call) and he'll bank in money for me. He tells me not to feel bad or guilty or ashamed about it. But I've never done it, I've always made sure I never do it.

Even if I'm down to 3 bucks in my bank account, I held on, tahan-ed, skimped like a beggar, and wait for my next allowance.

Well, you can see where my principles lie. I don't want to be the kind of daughter that treats her parents like ATMs. I mean, yes I do bug my mom for my weekly allowance, but that's because she always banks in super duper late and I'll be suffering by then. And of course, sometimes I'll keh keh bring my mom out to Jusco/Tesco so she can buy my groceries for me heh heh hehhh BUT THAT DOESN'T COUNT OKAY!

My money.. has been disappearing wtf. Because I have fixed deposits, I've been very confident that I'll never run out of money. I even started a 15-year savings account with Allianz! My agent happens to be Hsun Yuan, bf's really close friend, so I really trust it.

Sigh. I think I should start a category just for money since I'm always blogging about my $$ issues, and I seem to have a LOT of $$ issues!

Today Ru, Chin Siew & I were supposed to go for a body massage at Marie France but Ru couldn't make it last minute. I guess I'll carry a bulging tummy to Langkawi tomorrow :(

~~~

Ah Kong's funeral came and went... All of us cousins cried like water hoses... He was really close to all of us so it feels different. Very different. My last memory of him was him driving Ah Ma to my house, he was still so strong, so healthy. Even when I stepped into his house (after a very bumpy flight from KL), I expected him to be sitting outside with a little ciggie... responding me by calling "Ahh Mei Lin.. dui lai liao ah?"... But of course it did not happen... Because there he was, memories of him locked in a picture, facing out the front door with the CD player playing chantings and flowers decorated what became his prayer table.

It was a difficult sight to bear. More difficult with all the drama behind it that had caused me to be oblivious to his suffering the past 40 days. But the past remains the past.

We had a full roast pig EVERY NIGHT. Omg. My diet plans immediately flew out the window when plates after plates of fresh hot siu yoke passed by me. My cousin Ah Ling (he's a guy) and I were like pigs, we were both holding two plates each hahaha.

Here are our chrysanthemums.. we were "recharging" them in the pail of water wtf. Because we kept comparing whose flowers were the nicest yada yada yada. Mine were the white ones! Everyone was fighting for white ones!

We teared like mad when they closed the coffin. That was it, the final look, our final memory of his peaceful face. My father, whom I thought was rather emotionless throughout the whole funeral, actually broke down on the last day, when we were pushing the coffin out of the house.

This was taken during the final ceremony, before the hearse left home. Yes, on the final day we had TWO roast pigs FML. After everything was over, our whole family was gathered around two tables full of food.. and just eating like there's no tomorrow.

Sigh, and of all occasions, bf got introduced during the funeral... I introduced him to my cousins and a few aunts and called it a day wtf because there were tonnes of people whom I don't know how to address there. But everyone was staring at him lor T__T But it's very inappropriate to be introduced during a funeral also right!

People leave before saying goodbye

2010-11-17T01:23:00.003Z

My Ah Kong just passed away.

...and I feel at loss now. His funeral starts on Sunday. Should I go back today? Should I finish off the week's classes first?

If I go back now, I can't do much.

If I don't go back now, I feel so unfilial.

//edit//

Ok I just got all the details wrong :'( his funeral ends on Sunday and silly me, I've already bought my plane ticket home for Friday.

I just heard about the whole family being at his bedside last night... and again I feel like shit. It's not the first time that I was not there when a grandparent passed away. Sigh. It all boils down to the choices I have to make; I remember Bf asking me to stay the whole week (for no reason whatsoever, I didn't see it coming) because Wednesday is a public holiday and he thought Thursday is too.

Fuck it, why isn't Thursday a public holiday for us? At least I would've stayed.

And I hope people will just stop having hostile thoughts about my mom. She's human and she has feelings too. Leave her alone. At least respect my grandfather if you don't respect her.

Effing broke

2010-11-16T13:31:00.002Z

1. Airasia ticket to Langkawi was already expensive but by the time everything was finalized and I got my ticket, it increased by RM50. Which really, is a lot, when you're talking three digits on a budget airline for a domestic flight.

2. Harry Potter premiere class tickets *jumps up and down

3. Weekly travel by Nice coach, to and fro. Can't believe I waited this long to get the member's card. Call me up if you need 10% :D

4. Papa can I have a car? :( Maybe just the old car we used to have that you sold off?

5. I wanna get a Rottweiler/Dachshund. I really wanna. Jackie's not "dog" enough. (It's like saying a guy is not "man" enough if you get what I mean.) I like real dogs that can protect you.

Assignment beckons. Finally down to the last two!

33

2010-11-08T11:39:00.001Z

Too busy over the weekend to make this entry x)

The 6th, Saturday was bf & I's 33rd month together. Yes we are happy and giddy and in love. Happy 33rd month dear *blows kiss.

We were supposed to try out a really really good pasta & pizza & tiramisu place in Penang, but that will wait for this weekend because we were too late for it :D Yes yes I am going back again, ha! Will definitely try out this place no matter what and blog about it.

I am very much broke; the last last weekend I shopped at KL, throughout the week I shopped online, and just yesterday I shopped again. New Levi's wheeeeeee!

Back in 2008 I got my very first Levi's, and now they couldn't fit me anymore. I was a 24 back then. Yesterday, I found out I am a 26, maybe even a 27. I went up 3 sizes, WTF? Despite that, I bought the 26, knowing FULL WELL that there may come a time that I may not fit in it AGAIN, and may have to get bigger ones again.

But think about it -it's gonna be my one main mission, and hopefully it's gonna be a pushing factor. To fit into the jeans.

If it's not now, I don't know if there will come a time for me to lose this weight :'(

Oh here's Jackie.

She's such a baby. Omg. My mom couldn't stand her manja-ness and how attention-seeking she can get!

This is me! I got those ribbon wired headband thingies, really nice! Bought them from Imin @ Le Mode Maison.

This is jackiebaby again! She's been declaring the couch as her "base" now whenever no one's playing with her.

Nah wake up d.

Cow-like patches on her bare tummy! She has the weirdest birthmarks ever.

And this is her again. You know how dogs hate it when you carry them like a human baby. Mine doesn't. In fact, she enjoys it very much.

Oh ya we shaved her bald cuz she started getting rashes and everything. I swear I thought they were allergic reactions to cheap shampoo from the groomer's or stuff from the garden or bad flea bites.. but the vet said they were "puppy rash". So yeah!

Sick

2010-11-01T13:06:00.003Z

Fallen sick again :( At times like these I think of how easily my mom whips out a delicious dish for a sick me; and how happy I am that I can has delicious food even if I'm sick, because my mom is awesome like that.

It's all thanks to our short trip last weekend!

We went to

1. Genting, for some cool air, not-so-scary rides where I screamed my head off, RM15 chicken rice, stepping into the mist and fighting to see who stands the longest, getting into the casino with no second looks from the guard (fuck my life I'm 19 please stop me from going in and let me know I don't look 21), and eating Beryl's mint chocolates!

2. KL, of course wtf. We stayed over at bf's sanjie's condo which is currently still empty. The place is just gorgeous, the pool and everything! Too bad we didn't have time to go swimming.

- Went for chilli pan mee at Kin Kin which is teh bomb (I meant the spiciness level). Enough spicy, but too spicy until I cannot taste the pan mee (my bad lol), so I concluded that the pan mee is nothing special. The soup that came with it didn't even exude the usual pan mee taste, it was just normal egg soup with vegetables. The only thing pan mee-ish about it is the vegetables, minced meat, ikan bilis and the type of dough. But I've tasted better lahhh.

- Pavilion for my shopping fix! I have actually put aside a sum of money for my shopping as I plan to get loads of tops for uni use... but only managed three tops from F21 :( because I spent too much time in there :'(

- Zouk club for Halloween celebration! Actually no we weren't celebrating it since none of us dressed up *booooooooooo! Bff and Ru brought me in cuz we're all underaged heh and they got a table! I then looked for Bf and the others who were paying and getting in... and I think we spent half our lives inside there looking for a table. Everytime we club during an event or festival we had always told ourselves that we should AVOID CLUBS AT ALL COST the next time; it's better to go during normal days. Guess we all never learn :D

Oh ya I got really tipsy and bf had to stop the car a few times to let me puke :( Puke till now got sore throat and flu! Boohoo.

I got so tipsy I was convinced bf is super pissed at me for stepping on his foot twice in the club =X Then I was telling everyone he was pissed at me wtf read back my texts also funny.

Oh ya so since I was so tipsy Shun jie sat in front with Bf. AND THEY TOOK THE WRONG FREAKING ROAD TO ENTER MONT KIARA TWICE. There are like 3 roads there; 1 leads you to Mont Kiara, 2 leads you to Penchala Link and other places.

They cleverly took the wrong one once and went to Penchala Link, had to make a U-turn after the tunnel and come back again.

Then they took the other road which was wrong anyway, the correct road was right next to us and the only thing blocking was a high curb. Off to Penchala Link we go... at that time I sobered up already wtf. Tunnel, U-turn, balik.

Finally we got home T.T

3. Day 3 was spent at One-U where we had a very very filling lunch at Oriental Cravings and bf had the biggest regret of his life.. hahahah.

Ok babai! Need to finish up my porridge which only has carrot and century egg fml. Flu = no chicken, and like I've said a million times before this place is strictly fucking halal so can't even get minced pork! And also need to take my medication and off to sleep!

No pics cuz I'm partly too lazy and my current phone sucksssss~

你好

2010-10-28T04:40:00.004+01:00

Hola!

I switched phones! I'm currently using Bf's old phone which isn't really old, it's a Nokia XpressMusic thingamajig. My phone is giving out warnings like "Charging error! Please stop charging!" wtf like it's gonna explode and bf is obviously very super paranoid that I will be blasted to death. Thus, I am now attempting to make amends with Nokia, which I detest.

So the phone has one thing better than mind which is easy switching between English and Chinese.

As you all know I know nuts about Chinese words although I can speak pretty well (fine I do say things wrong but you gotta admit I can speak). But I've been fooling around with the pin yin words and randomly picking the Chinese word that I think is right and sending it over to bf ONLY TO HAVE HIM LAUGH BACK AT ME.

Ha!

And well, human beings technically learn language better below 12 years of age but I refuse to acknowledge this. After all, I do know half of the language, I just don't know how to read/write.

This shall be my quest!

Yay this weekend bf is coming down for meeeeeeeeee, Genting & Halloween party!

I must blog about this

2010-10-25T13:49:00.002+01:00

Because putting it on FB doesn't really exude the correct oomph needed to get my point across.

How often do you get a freaking Nice executive coach to yourself?! With a uniformed driver, on-board host, clean blanket & pillow, TV, food, hot & cold drinks and all! The host even let me choose the movies because I was the only passenger. And she was so nice! Though she put milk in my tea but still she was sooooo nice!

Bf and mom were freaked out but I thought it was AWESOMEEEEE.

The fact that it was a Nice coach made it 100x more awesome @.@

I don't usually boast about taking a bus (yes, now I feel like a weirdo) but to be the only passenger onboard?! That never happens.. The trip to Redang with bf doesn't count cuz there're two of us hahaha.

2010-10-19T04:55:00.002+01:00

I simply cannot fathom why some people eat really LOUD.

Don't you find it disgusting? Personally I do when people start making those moxmoxmoxchompchompchomp sound.. damn disgusting and annoying!

Maybe you'll say it's because people are enjoying their food but HELLO?! Do it when you're eating alone can?

And enjoying doesn't mean you must make sounds with the food sheesh.

Like chomp on vegetables then you'll hear the crunch crunch chomp chomp sound. Then drink soup you'll literally hear the sssssllllllrrrrrppppppp sound. Then eat fruits you'll hear the watery moxmoxmox sound T.T I don't know how to explain the mox sound wtf without trying to make it sound like "muaks".

Can die ar!

Mom will be proud

2010-10-17T08:56:00.002+01:00

On a quest to eat healthy and (hopefully) lose weight! I'm so tempted to sign up for a gym membership :( FitnessFirst is within walking distance but costs damn expensive, Celebrity Fitness is slightly cheaper but damn far leh.

So I decided that I'm not gonna complain about the fact that Help doesn't have gym, I'll just do other things to see if it works! I contemplated jogging to the neighbourhood behind Residence, but don't know if I'll get stopped by security :( My counselor suggested jogging along the highway and I gave her this look =.=, literally!

Wholemeal loaf, spicy tuna, fresh lettuce for the sandwich. Lettuce & cherry tomatoes with honey & mustard dressing for the salad.

Been having this for dinner last night and for lunch today. They taste really really good but I doubt I can do this everyday..

Alright back to studying. I don't know why, every semester we end up having to take a subject which really doesn't make sense and when you study, you have no idea what you should/shouldn't know.

Sem 1 was PSY113 Psychology of Personal and Academic Development; it basically steals a bit off here and there and brings you a freaking subject.

Sem 2 was LLS101 Leadership and Life Skills; the final exam asked us to recall on ALL the chapters in the whole textbook and write out what we learned from each chapter. Wtf, as if when we study, we'll go and hafal the chapters right?

Sem 3 now is PSY110a Career Guidance 1; in my very humble opinion I think they should make this a short workshop instead of a frigging subject. Every class was like a motivational talk by an all-too-charming lecturer who knows he is a charmer and is too full of himself for his own good; and a co-lecturer who repeats his life story (the same one) every time.

2010-10-16T10:27:00.003+01:00

I'm an owl, you're a peacock.

It's official

2010-10-15T06:44:00.004+01:00

Leave me for two weeks here in this sad place and I'll start wailing for my mom to come over T__T But she insists on celebrating my dad's birthday early instead of late, without me instead of with me T__T I'm going back next weekend after all!!!

I'm so homesick!

Sigh, and it's not like I'm torturing myself or anyone is torturing me. I've got no choice! Hello?! One Wednesday is PSY112 mid terms, the next Wednesday is PSY110a finals. Throw in three assignments deadlines in between and you get this:

Sigh. Pimple still banyak :(

I contemplated asking the girls out but the work is just too overwhelming and going out will probably depress me further for wasting time. Oh my what have I turned into. I swear I wasn't like this back in college. I used to jump at the opportunity to NOT do work! I've got a feeling it's about the people not about the place. Not gonna go more into that but yeah you do get what I mean. Everyone in college (in and out of class) plus having Bf beside me made life awesome. If I was asked to choose which part of my life I'd live over and over again, I'll choose college life! Plus, Penang itself rocks better than KL anyway :(

My tupperware bottle always appears in camwhore pictures taken in my room, lol. That's because I always use it to prop my chin up in front of the laptop.. heh. My head is really too heavy. Pun intended.

I miss my boyfriend. I miss Jackie. :(

Chewing gum mask

2010-10-10T14:17:00.003+01:00

I have a habit of mass-blogging everytime I should be doing something important.

This was when we were supposed to have presentations but my pen drive didn't work *shy. My bracelet is a pressie from bf's mom!

Usually I would walk past this cat without even a glance.. but I saw that she gave birth to two ugly kittens T.T Damn sad lor, why did she even mate with an ugly cat with diseases in the first place! So I bought a pack of cat food and fed her. And also "pao niu nai" for her (cuz I bought a pack and couldn't seem to finish it nyeh heh heh heh). But in the end she didn't wanna drink it fml. Nespray leh!

That's my roomie and the kittens.. Seriously I didn't even wanna go near the kittens T.T

Anyway I got a mask.. which apparently is a RELAXANT. WTF. The moment I opened it I thought I bought a huge pack of chewing gum, seriously!

And the mask does actually resemble the packaging! Damn gan cheong lor this mask! The moment I put it on it actually BURNED! Fuih. But luckily nothing happened in the end.

Regarding the entry about gossiping, I forgot to put a disclaimer: No offence meant. Wtf. And don't kek gau gau think I talking about you hor!

Look above!

2010-10-10T09:09:00.002+01:00

There's this petition that I hope everyone has signed! *points to the banner above*

I mean, which one of us doesn't drink alcohol? Which one of us doesn't complain how expensive alcohol is? Which one of us didn't jump at the opportunity to get duty-free alcohol when someone else goes overseas? Which one of us didn't gasp when someone spilled Chivas three times in a row within 5 minutes when he was drunk *ahem ahem*?

Fine, if you're rich or hang around with the rich, the above doesn't apply. But still, I bet you want alcohol to be cheaper too, right?

Forget the fact that cheaper alcohol = more weird people in clubs or cheaper alcohol = liver dies faster. It's unfair that we have to pay so much tax for alcohol when people overseas get them at dirt cheap prices (I'm exaggerating here but you get my point). Apparently for some alcohol, we pay so much tax that the tax ended up being more expensive than the bottle of booze itself =.="

We're all living to have fun and without alcohol there's no fun heh heh heh.

So go sign it, you'll never know what comes out of it. It'll only post up one status regarding the petition on your Facebook and it really won't harm.

Backtrack a lil

2010-10-08T19:35:00.003+01:00

Who doesn't love to gossip right?

It's fine to gossip when it's a huge thing, or if it's some celebrity (*yawn), but I really don't see why people gossip/criticize when it's a trivial matter and it has totally NOTHING whatsoever to do with them!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not getting all defensive again. I'm not defending myself. I'm actually talking about other people talking about other people; hearing it makes me sick really. I'd rather not know them.

Yes I'm guilty of the above, but I do keep my mouth shut if it's no big deal, or if I don't know the person at all, or if it really doesn't matter, or if the person being gossiped about is totally unknowing & innocent. If that person brings it upon herself, then fine you can't stop the gossips (which is what ALL of us are guilty of, if you know who you are, lol!!). But I'm not talking about that. Far from it. I'm talking about these people who have no lives going around saying bad things about another person.

At first, I'm interested. Y'know, wow, what do they have to say? But when the point comes, I'm like, wtf? Are you better yourself? You hardly know that poor girl, and you hardly know the people around her, and you don't even belong to the same circle; what's with the comments?

Are you even "qualified" to be talking about it?

Okay I'm confusing myself here. I'm trying to put a clear line between all the types of gossiping and this one, but I guess I failed wtf. And I'd rather not mention names because as much as I hate it happening, I rather stay out of it than to poke my nose in and start lecturing people on something that I shouldn't be lecturing people on.

Damn, recently the girls & I were on a Facebook-gossiping frenzy but hey! At least:

1) knew all the people personally (sorta) (with Ru & Bff heh heh)

2) our comments were valid WTF

3) the person brought it upon him/herself

Looks are not a measure of personality.

If you think it is, then go look at the mirror.

If you criticize others for their choices, turn around and look at yours.

If you criticize others for no reason whatsoever because you think you can, get a new mirror.

It's okay if you wanna compliment good looks, it's not okay if you wanna criticize bad looks.

...not unless you're my best friend :)

And I know a lot of you are probably sending mirrors to me lol, but seriously I got a valid reason for this entry wan! I just can't explain it better cuz there are things I need to hold back. Perhaps it all revolves around "valid reasons". Your comments are invalid because you are not in the position to comment.

Poof. Confusing much?

2010-10-07T12:08:00.002+01:00

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

HAHAHA it's really worth stopping my revision for a few minutes of Fmylife!

Excuse me for procrastinating

2010-10-06T12:48:00.005+01:00

But I really cannot concentrate with my roomie doing god-knows-what, thumping on her table and stuff. I cannot work with noises that don't blend into the background =.= I find it really hard to focus and could sometimes end up feeling SO annoyed with the whole world.

Have been to be library these two days.. don't know why lol. I always find libraries comforting. At least people won't look at you like a weirdo when you open up a book and start studying/sleeping.

I love those anonymous scribbles on tables/walls and everything. It's vandalism and it's ugly, but in some ways it's funny and really comforting. People who sat there were actually like me! Procrastinators!

1) The delusional procrastinator

2) The rebellious procrastinator

3) The procrastinating philosopher

4) The helpless procrastinator

5) ...and the sad procrastinator

three two

2010-10-05T17:03:00.002+01:00

Happy 32nd month together dear :)

Love u loads!

It's Tuesday

2010-10-05T06:28:00.002+01:00

I have an assignment due on Friday. An assignment I can't seem to write smoothly, I don't know why.

It feels like I don't have enough time for anything at all; when the fact is I do, I just don't know where it went @.@

I want to blog about Jackie! She's been so sweet all this while, and being back at home last weekend, I get to spend loads of time with her. She literally FLEW to the front door when I first reached home. She wagged her tail so hard, she looked like she'll break a bone! I was so happy to see her even though she smells quite bad, I have no idea why. I think it's because my family doesn't bother to wipe her mouth/petpet/butthole whenever she finish eating/peeing/pooping... I do it all the time! I wipe her face many times a day, especially when she has eye discharge. I think that's why she doesn't have tear marks on her face.

I also bathed her and brought her to get her flea treatment. She's still scratching though. I clean her ears constantly because she seems to have itchy ears. Sometimes it kills me to see her scratching cuz she might scratch until she whines and everything!

Jackie has also learned to leap. And jump onto sofas. And jump onto beds if she can reach them. She has also learned that if she put her two paws on your face you will pay attention to her instead of sleeping. My routine changed tremendously since getting her two months ago. Every morning I get up at 7/8am, feed her first meal of the day plus her vitamins, and go to sleep at the living room. Why I switch sleeping places is because if I go back to my room, she comes in as well, and goes to sleep as well =.=

So yeah every morning after feeding her I try to catch more sleep while she attempts to catch my attention! Her new skill, like I said, involves leaping and one time, she leapt onto my boobs spot on T_______T Somemore it was PMS-period, so you girls get how painful it could be when a pair of paws chak right there. It's hard to ignore her and she knows it!

Luckily my dad wakes up early too and she runs off for more attention and the permission to go out to the garden (which I often forbid her to).

Anyway this is starting to get really lengthy so let's stop here wtf.

2010-09-27T04:37:00.002+01:00

Jackie turns 4 months old today..

I've got a lil pressie for her! But she's gonna have to wait till Thursday. I'm so excited! Too bad Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays are full days so I can't exactly celebrate. I miss home so much!

@.@

2010-09-26T05:14:00.001+01:00

Kansas Store Video Captures Five Shoppers Stepping Over Dying Stabbing Victim
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
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WICHITA, Kan. — As stabbing victim LaShanda Calloway lay dying on the floor of a convenience store, five shoppers, including one who stopped to take a picture of her with a cell phone, stepped over the woman, police said.
The June 23 situation, captured on the store's surveillance video, got scant news coverage until a columnist for The Wichita Eagle disclosed the existence of the video and its contents Tuesday.
Police have refused to release the video, saying it is part of their investigation.
"It was tragic to watch," police spokesman Gordon Bassham said Tuesday. "The fact that people were more interested in taking a picture with a cell phone and shopping for snacks rather than helping this innocent young woman is, frankly, revolting."
The woman was stabbed during an altercation that was not part of a robbery, Bassham said. It took about two minutes for someone to call 911, he said.
Calloway, 27, died later at a hospital.
Two suspects have been arrested. A 19-year-old woman was charged with first-degree murder. Another suspect who turned himself in had not been charged as of Tuesday, the Sedgwick County prosecutor's office said.
The district attorney's office will have to decide whether any of the shoppers could be charged, Bassham said.
It was uncertain what law, if any, would be applicable. A state statute for failure to render aid refers only to victims of a car accident.
Eagle columnist Mark McCormick told The Associated Press he learned about the video when he called Wichita Police Chief Norman Williams to inquire about a phone call he had received from a reader complaining about a Police Department policy that requires emergency medical personnel to wait until police secure a crime scene before rendering aid. McCormick said Williams then unloaded on him about the shoppers in the stabbing case.
"This is just appalling," Williams told the newspaper. "I could continue shopping and not render aid and then take time out to take a picture? That's crazy. What happened to our respect for life?"

Wtf.

Drastic Measures

2010-09-25T16:06:00.001+01:00

...need to be taken.

Morning rays

2010-09-24T13:03:00.003+01:00

The only reason that makes me get up in the mornings are mostly because of the morning rays. I make it sound so dreamy wtf. But the fact is because the room is too bright so when you accidentally open your eyes, you can say goodbye to sleep T.T

But it's a good thing also because it means I'm diligently going to class!

Ok fine I have zero interest in my Mass Comm electives, but mainly because the lecturers don't seem to give a rat's ass about the class as well.

Bengkak, not-enough-sleep face. (ALRIGHT FINE I ADMIT AGAIN I PUT ON WEIGHT)

Ahhh loving my morning reflection in the mirror because of the awesome natural lighting I get!

Ok back to the mass comm thing. I feel like it's such a waste of time =.= It seems like all mass comm subjects are the same anyway (we've been learning about mass media repeatedly zzz), why not just cut to the point and make mass comm a one-subject thing. Instead of splitting them up into crazy amounts of subjects right. No offence but seriously!

This semester makes me feel like I'm doing nothing at all. Because 1) There are two bloody Mass Comm electives, 2) One Psych subject is a short subject and ends mid-Oct, 3) My inner accounting-lover is surfacing again.

I know I'm not obliged to take my electives in Mass Comm but they're the only ones that have same semester structures like we do. Business, IT and Econs clashes with our semesters (Sorta like, when Psych is having break, they're not; when they're having break, Psych is not.) It's a lose-lose situation for students because you'll just never have break.

I've been talking to the counsellor and it dawned on me what a confused person I am @.@

It's such a mix up!

Food for thought

2010-09-21T16:41:00.002+01:00

A phrase I found quite informative in my Ciccarelli & White Psych textbook:

"...adult relationships can be seen as influenced by the attachment style of the adult- those who are avoidant tend to have numerous shallow and brief relationships with different partners, whereas those who are ambivalent tend to have repeated break-ups and make-ups with the same person."

Don't you learn so much from this example, even if it's just two out of four attachment styles?

Fine

2010-09-20T16:07:00.002+01:00

So the blog has been neglected time and time again. I don't know when this started, I used to be so active and actually have steady (while low) readership.

But I really don't know how to spare time for blogging. In between Jackie, boyfriend, friends, suppers, mealtimes, Jackie pet visits, Jackie grooming, Jackie cut hair, Jackie bathing, Jackie ear-cleaning, Jackie peepoo cleaning, Jackie newspaper replacement, Jackie toilet training, Jackie playtime, a bit of grocery shopping and cooking for the boyfriend.. I mean seriously, where to find time?! Oh wait I forgot studies, assignments and presentations, how nice of me.

They were right when they say "there goes my life" whenever they get dogs.

And you know what? I actually quite like it. I look forward to my days more (even if there's no plans ahead) just because of her. She cheers me up so much, even if she's just excitedly hopping around, or lounging lazily outside when the wind is blowing.

She hears the gate open and she runs to see who's home, and wags her tail so hard! When she's bored she goes to her bed to get her Pooh bear and brings it out to the living room. I don't know, the sight of her carrying anything at all is quite cute! Except for when she attempts to eat her own shit or carries around rubbish.

At the moment, her favourite forbidden "toy" are dried leaves. She'll go out to the garden, find a big dried leaf that she likes, feels satisfied and brings it in. Hours later you'll find your living room full of dried leaves fml.

At the end of the day it's still impossible to get angry at her. Yes I've gotten really mad at her sometimes for messing with her pee, biting on my bra straps, climbing onto my basket of clothes to sleep, eating shit and all... but look at that face!

Weird

2010-09-14T11:55:00.002+01:00

This semester has been pretty weird so far. There are so many holidays especially near the weekends and GUESS WHAT?! So this Thursday is Malaysia Day (seriously wtf, why do we need Independence day AND Malaysia day, apart from the fact that it's an extra holiday?), my lecturer has canceled my Friday morning class. Which gives me Thursday till Monday off. I could actually go back on Wednesday (WHICH IS TOMORROW OMG?!) night but there's this mid autumn carnival concert going on at my university and my roomie has already bought my tickets!

Can you imagine? I just came back yesterday and I can go back tomorrow night. Like sheesh. I'm supposedly studying full time in KL, but I seem to be spending more time at home than here! Ok fine why am I even complaining.

I'm contemplating whether to forgo the concert and go home x) then I get one extra night to spend with Jackie.

Speaking of Jackie, I'm obsessed with her! I don't know why but she's so adorable and simply such a wonderful little thing!

Lots of people say shih tzu's grow ugly when they're older, etc etc but I know for sure Jackie will stay as she is, making everyone go aww at her.

Last weekend was Sam's birthday and bf actually got drunk. Like real seriously drunk.

Downing pure shots after shots of tequila, absolut kurant, black label and half a chivas, I'm really not surprised they got drunk. The Pepsi was bought when they finished the first three and was about to open the Chivas. I couldn't stand having it on the rocks so I pestered Boon Lin and Shun Jie to go to 7-11 with me. When I came back I ended up having half a cup and they started their drunk antics =.=

See in this picture four of them are drunk. Bf, Jeffrey, Sam and Tian Pin hahaha.

Sam's girlfriend, Phaik Yean (or so I think it's spelled!). My head so big hoh.

Bf non-stop puking. He ended up bursting a blood vessel and puking blood T.T

So as I was saying our uni is having this mid autumn carnival celebration, and there are tons of stalls put up at the car park. Including SPCA! I was so tempted to adopt both dogs wtf but I don't know how to transport them back to BM so yeah. I bought a mouse pad and a notebook which has cute stick-it notes! They were quite pricey but it's for charity and I couldn't help myself.

Which reminds me I have to update my list of spendings T.T I don't like it at all cuz I've been spending hundreds every single day T.T

Jumpy!

2010-09-08T17:23:00.003+01:00

Jackie baby wait for meeeeeeeee! I'm coming homeeeeeee!

You have no idea how much I missed you and even dreamt of you the other day T.T

Have you been good? Did you peepoo at the right places? Have you been eating the furniture or your greenie bone?

Did you sleep where you're supposed to? Did you say hi to everyone who comes home?

Well make sure you say hi to me tomorrow *flying kiss.

Yes I'm going insane soon with the stress I'm getting from studies.

I'm aiming a CGPA of at least 3.5 this semester. If I could achieve that, then I'll keep aiming higher. Well at least I'm not heading for a 4, which is suicide. I'm putting unnecessary stress on myself, but... but... it's gonna be worth it!

My sem 2 results pulled my CGPA down by 0.09 points T.T When i told Ru she screamed at me T.T But I am quite kiasu & kiasi, and I don't want it to keep going down T.T