Fool Again

This evening, my conversations with two people had been real eye-openers.

First off, I realized I'm such an idiot. For being a bitch to guys who treat me right and for falling for those who don't. You treated me well, you were willing to sacrifice and spend time with me; and what did I do in return? Probably stomp on your heart, used you and told a million lies (for all these I'm sorry and I still wish I could apologize. It wasn't me to be like this.). In contrast, I treated him well and was willing to sacrifice SO MUCH for him. But until now, what has he really done in return? Until today, I realized I've been hanging on like an idiot, still going out of my way to make sure his life is comfortable while I squirm in uneasiness realizing how much I've sacrificed.

Second, how much can one person lie? I've asked this before. But seriously? How much can one person lie? How much more can I find out? It's not as if I have to act all detective on him. The truth keeps coming to me. People keep coming to me on their own, telling me things I wish I don't have to hear. And at the end of the day, it's true. "I don't want you to be lured in by his lies," they all said. "Just wanna make sure you're not in the dark."

...I'm too ashamed to say that I have indeed been in the dark. I'm just too stupid to have ever believed a word.

For those who likes saying I have trust issues -happy now? I finally trusted someone with all my heart despite all the possible times I could have doubted him, and to get this slapped in my face like a piece of raw meat. Perhaps now you would say I have intelligence issues. I should have known better.