Putting thoughts into words

I read Cheesie's blog about being #foreveralone and it just sparked some deep thinking on my part. If someone in her position has such difficulty in the love department, then what more I?

Falling in love and having someone special is really something amazing that I hardly learn to appreciate. Stepping out of secondary school and going out into "the world" was an experience made better with someone beside me. When it all came crumbling down I found it hard to cope with being alone to face shit all over again. I guess that explains why I dived headfirst into another relationship. But it wasn't a rebound; I'd scoff at anyone who calls him a rebound because he is not. I would know what a rebound is, and if I had cried when he told me he loves me, I'm pretty damned sure he means something to me. 

I, for one, can never stand being in a relationship if I had no feelings for someone.

He was special too, if not from another world. I mean, you watch movies about two people from different worlds meeting and getting together and realizing it's so difficult to go on because of their differences. Well, exactly my problem. Being with him gave me the chance to go to places I've never been to, see problems I've never known will happen in reality and loads more. I would hate to describe everything here because then everyone would know about his secrets and that's not very nice. 

Thing is, I'm no longer 17. I know, I know. I'm still young and I still have loads of opportunities to meet the one. But how long more do I have to endure? How many more disappointments do I have to face?

On cold winter nights when you're sleeping alone, you'd just wish someone was there, whether in person or simply over Skype. Just so you can listen to him as he breathes in his sleep and him you. That one small gesture that is enough to fill you warmly inside. No silly arguments over things that don't matter anymore. No tears involuntarily running down your cheeks as realization dawns on you just how difficult it is to make things work when the differences are so apparent, down to minor opinions. 

Hmm. Yea. If only.